Updated: Feb 11
I wish I would have published this last week, but here we are. The timing may be a little irrelevant, but here it is anyway Incase you’d like to have a read...
It’s My first time ever enrolling in a coaching program. I’m a fish outta water. No idea what to expect, if this really is something I need- but I’m here, it’s worth a shot. Before the session starts we’re all asked “what is your intentions for today?”
I’m like, “No idea lady just let me sit back take this all in- because I have no idea what I’m doing here, but I’m ready to figure out why I want to be here.”
It’s a group call. A mastermind group. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure how I felt about that either. Two minutes in, it turns out the ladies are amazing! Some are also local and happen to be my neighbours lol so it’s all one big happy family, real, vulnerable & digging deep, getting personal over the next 3 months!
So, our first group call. My intentions of the call, I say something totally stupid like “I’m ready to put in 100%- and work my butt off” lol like wtf does that even mean? Clearly I’m already missing the point, have no idea what the question is even asking. Anyway I continue to ramble something off to make it look like I knew exactly what I was talking about.. secretly I had no fucking clue. It’s Thursday- we’re on a full day, yes the first call was a full day online retreat- I had not intentions, no real expectations and maybe I was still a little sceptical.
I never ever sat down to meditate before in my life. I guess at the end of my 5am yoga sessions there’s a couple minutes of being still, a type of mediation I guess- but it was nothing like this session. I felt myself scrambling after to find words of reflection- because honestly I found it hard to relax, to sit still and really be present. I had nothing to write- I didn’t really participate and reflect on that first session. But I knew exactly what to expect for the next- extremely focused, tuned in and I reflected and wrote a full page. We danced- literally virtually through zoom from our offices & dining rooms. Likely all slightly embarrassed, but none of us sat it out:)
As the day went on I think every single one of us had a shift, a "ah-ha" moment. Some had realizations of who gives a shit what others think. Some realizing words & goals mean nothing without action. Others realizing a goal is so close they just need the encouragement & accountability to go with their gut. For me, after that second meditation session it revealed something so insightful in myself. Something like a “hidden” personality, alternate identity. Maybe those are the wrong words to use to describe it, but none the less I had this huge shift, ah-ha. It sounds so silly and weird- I totally get it. I found myself writing with a very clear line of division on one side of the paper compared to the other. My page which happened to be all full of scribbles like this:
“Expecting” most confident self:
-head held high
-Always blinged out
-My fav pink lipstick
-Know it will happen
“Hoping”- least confident
-hard to focus.
-Flight of ideas.
-Feel Like I’m a open book.
-people can see right through me.
-My uncertainty my reluctance my fear
At the end of the reflection I automatically put a line through the list & relabeled it in bright red ink. Renaming it from “expecting” to boss babe bombshell. “Hoping” to real life bombshell. I realized how my confident, goal getter, expecting “boss babe” personality only truly shows up in Real Estate. The hesitant playing dumb, “real-life” bombshell personality- shows up at the boutique. I talked to my husband Josh after the call- he pretty much called me out, “finally, your starting to get it.” Clearly he seen it all along. I was a little shocked, it was a huge ah-ha, maybe some of you reading this maybe a little shocked too.
Unintentionally I listed out who/how I portray myself in two very important roles of my life, Realizing how extremely different I am in both roles. Sure I look confident in my mirror selfie’s, ladies a selfie can do so many things. But behind the scenes there’s definitely insecurities. Not necessarily body imagine/self esteem insecurities but big decisions, business running insecurities. It was a huge realization for me. On our very first call. I had no idea how this program would help. I hadn’t even decided what business or aspect of life I wanted to focus on- clearly after that first call it was pretty much handed to me on a silver platter- My one thing. The one thing that I need a coach for- encouraging me to figure out my role, working through the insecurities and my working on my attitude and confidence level toward the store. Im not really sure if a few weeks/months will be enough time to have it all figured out- but I think this is a great start. Journal, focus meditate. Reflect, listen to other business owners struggles & wins. A safe place to voice ideas, to share wins and hurdles. A place to recognize and work on our weaknesses- it may come as a surprise but we don’t have it all figured out, and that’s perfectly ok.
So ladies this is your daily dose of what it looks like to be a bad ass goal getter, business owner who everyday is still learning something new about herself & her business. A glimpse of what it looks like to want a big business and an even bigger life. What it looks like to get uncomfortable, step outside your comfort zone and go all in to ultimately working on the most important driving factor for my business... Me.
* My selfie always depicts a very confident side. but it’s funny, open day in this photo I was the most nervous.