Today I had to use my husbands deodorant. Should I go on?
Mommas its ok not to have all your shit together. If your local- were in lockdown #2. Last years lock down literally feels like a dream... years ago. A vague memory and today that memory, that feeling of having absoulty no control over your schedule, over your kids... that feeling- yep I got it to.
So I considered myself a seasoned vet- 5am miracle morning kinda gal. Been at it for nearly 2 years. Exercise, read, journal maybe a little yoga. If you follow me on social & your reading this I’m sure there was a time where you said to yourself ”girl your crazy, go back to bed”. Now everywhere I look it seems everyone has a taste of the secret sauce... we’re all 5am-ers with our inspirational post, all motivated to change the world. I’m here to tell you that your probably going to fall off the 5am high (let’s hope just for a little bit) and I’m giving you permission that it’s ok- take a break.
Walking it’s my happy place. My time to be present- it’s the time where I have my most awesome, brilliant ideas. It’s like meditation without the script or music. I noticed I’ve turned that “me” time into- I gotta walk for at least 45mins to get my rings filled in... its like a task I need checked off. Im trying to crunch in audio podcast because right now there’s no other time to squeeze them in. Realistically- I’m sure I can listen to one during one of the many times my kids are watching you tube... I ordered ear buds to try that #staytuned
Right now even with the perfect 5am routine, most days I feel busy yet not 100% productive. I get a high from crossing off items on my “shit list” I makes me feel productive- right now I just feel like a chicken with her god dam head chopped off. My family, staff & clients are still getting me, but the schedule we worked so hard on to perfect its gone out the window... straight out the window and I’m trying to convince myself it’s ok. To stop myself from crumbling. To not let my frustrations get the best of me. I’ve yelled at the kids. I’ve been a total bitch to Josh.. clearly it’s gotten the best of me. And moving likely did not help... but Josh keeps telling me some day I’ll realize it was the best move for us & our family.
It’s so easy writing that- telling it to my readers, “it’s ok to take a break. To not show up.” But I’ll be honest, I’ve been eating myself up for days trying to accept it myself. There will come a time where life, your kids, you feel exhausted mentally, physically & you’ll just need a break. People will start to wonder what’s happening because you aren’t doing your regular social media check-ins... Kare, I’m snuggling with my 2 year old who’s gone through a major sleep pattern change. I’m worn out. I’m dying to have my 5am back but it’s not worth hearing her scream from upstairs while I’m in the basement trying to do squats. I’ve given in. Caved. I haven’t showed up 100% for myself in a few days. It’s just for a few days. But when this happens to you-remember it’s ok too.
You’ve worked so hard to master it. You see the value. You know the value and how it sets up your day for success. But some days, no matter how many people are looking up to you- are counting on you it’s ok to not show up for you. For just a short rest. It’s ok to wander off the schedule a little and realize you can hop back on once your ready.
I’ll be honest, my 5am “routine“ started feeling like another check list. And the checklist that started running through my head the minute my eyes opened... To me it shouldn’t feel that way. It’s my time. My time to do as much or as little as I want. Whatever I’m feeling in the moment to jump start my day. If anyone else is starting to feel that way- let me know:) I give you permission to share 🖤